Date: Mon, 8 Jul 1996 09:46:36
To: Sue Hedrick
I am sorry Steve has been such a shit lately. I am sorry to have to dismiss him as a friend. We are not enemies in my book; we are simply competing for the same role, and frankly Steve loses, just as Howellnyms lost in the starving artist department around here.
As I put it to Tim: I don't know all that is going on here (although that Jack Johnson & Celestine Prophecy thing about manipulation & psychological control pretty much sums up my interpretation of recent events), but the slacker conspiracy he inspires is old hat, and I can no longer tolerate it on my turf at this point in my own life. He is a decade too late for those shenanigans. It pains me awfully, but our relationship has been severely corrupted. Not beyond repair, mind you, but certainly far beyond the normal protocol of hey what's happening think I'll drop by tonight for yet another sloppy weekend routine that has ruined my earlier expectations of finally a friend to whom I can relate on more than a goddamned drunken orgy level. He either wakes up to understand my own despair in these matters and quits thinking you and I are here to validate his own chaos, or the whole friendship thing will simply fade away. He is NOT acting like a friend. Nope, in a desparate move to cast his own harried quest for sanctuary from a restless and shadowy mind, he's acting precisely like (who predicted it, and called IT by name?) Yet Another Steve Taylor... and he can do THAT anywhere, and in this case, SOMEWHERE ELSE. Unfortunately I've got My own ancient problems to combat. They don't go away simply because the unSETled one presumes he's entitled to hang out and reap the benefits of OUR labors...(while he fidgets).
It's lamentable that they each could have had the entire keychain to friendship if they weren't one by one too damned selfish, presumptuous, and lazy to put in around here even a fraction as much as they took. Despite the occasional rough edges and loose threads, we at least know how it is supposed to work, don't we?
What would our life had been like without these aggressive friends of ours? Less interesting? More so. More productive? I can't imagine being any less productive than I am with these friends. Friendship among the slacker classes is wretched. I can finally admit that I'm not all that comfortable around the self-satisfied stooge, the petulant bottomfeeder, the repeating rifles of nothing new under the sun types, and the poised for popularity or punishment crowds, although I know they exist at every strata. I've always been an eye to eye, word for word, work by work, across the bow kind of guy. There's no doubting that, so why diddle the nurse while Washington burns? Steve has truly been the best friend I've had in terms of intellectual compensation for my own presence here, and I love him above all others in a solid kinship of amazing minds, but his need for creative loafing and victory chaos at this point in our own lives is way past its appropriate use by date, and he just doesn't seem to understand that we are just too old and otherwise pre-occupied to waste ourselves away like this much longer.
So, these have been the days (and nights) of our lives. Why concern ourselves with what might have been, when there's nothing there anymore, especially since I am at least encouraged by faith and by curse to concern ourselves with what still might become...
Tomorrow is another day. These are merely my most recent thoughts to my sweetie.
Date: Thu, 22 Aug 1996 14:59:59
Cool page dude. I think finally with the Soho/4447 effort an earnest pattern is now visible to outsiders hinting at what you are trying to accomplish in the way of chainthinking and chainthinkers. Keep on pushing. And on another note, with the disappearance of the old Teacher's Pet alias at Soho, the lesson for today is gone, so lemme get it down again for you:
Lesson for Today. Picture reality. Picture something else. Describe the difference.