Posts Tagged ‘Satan Detector’

If Jesus Christ Is Capitalism, Gabriel Is His Satan Detector

13 Mar


Capital Saves Lives


As a public service, Los Altos Technologies, a provider of UNIX system security software, has developed and released Gabriel™, a SATAN detector. Gabriel gives the system administrator an early warning of possible network intrusions by detecting and identifying network probing. Gabriel is complete and ready to run. Los Altos Technologies is providing Gabriel to its customers and anyone else who wishes to use it at no charge. It is expected that any future updates, enhancements, and revisions will come from the users.

And there's more from the News of the Weird department or is that wired? The so-called Second Coming of Jesus is likened to the advent of capitalism. And the Situationists thought they had it all bagged!

Jesus (Yahushua) taught by precept and example an ethic of sacrifice for the sake of the future. A tool, by definition, is an artifact embodying sacrifice for the sake of the future. Thus capital (which is the totality of all tools) embodies the same spirit of sacrifice as was orginally embodied in the life and teachings of Jesus and his followers. Therefore, capital is a (if not the) re-incarnation of Christ—Christ being defined here as the spirit of sacrifice for the sake of the future, based upon a particular interpretation of the message of Jesus. Note that the proposition as demonstrated so far is analytic in character. In other words, its truth is a matter of definition, depending on the meanings we assign to the words that compose it. As such it can tell us nothing about the world we live in, such as how much (if any) capital there is, or what its properties might be. It is curious, therefore, that the stuff we call capital also exhibits a number of highly improbable—indeed fantastic—empirical qualities that are traditionally associated with the second coming of Christ. For example, capital is:

  • The King of Kings: it rules nations, as in World War II, the Civil War, the Cold War, the Gulf War.
  • The Tree of Life: its fruit is livelihood.
  • Like a grain of mustard seed: a single penny invested 2000 years ago at two percent interest would be worth more than all the wealth in the world today.
  • Brighter than the Sun: the H-Bomb.
  • Eclipses the Moon: the Apollo moon rockets.
  • Comes through the clouds with glory at the right hand of power: the American, Israeli, and European air forces, Air Force One.
  • Is simultaneously visible everywhere at once: modern satellite telecommunications, CNN, the World Wide Web.
  • Like a thief in the night: it came, but nobody recognized it for what it was.
  • The Philosopher’s Stone: though largely made of base metal, it is more precious than gold, producing the goods that gives to gold (and every other form of money) its value.

But the most important thing about capital is that it is a vast store of human servitude, a resurrection of the dead which bestows upon the human race the power to escape from servitude. (The reason we don't have slaves or serfs anymore, at least in the West, is that we have machinery now to do the work instead.) It is for this reason that capital must be judged humanity's most precious inheritance from the past, as well as our most sacred trust to future generations. Capital, at least potentially, is the foundation of freedom and justice in the world; and not just for a few, but for all people everywhere.

Glaringly left out of this decree was the fact that the Nazarene said rather poignantly that one cannot serve two masters. God and Mammon. So, while I call out this theory of holy capital as one of Satan's most pernicious counterfeits, I am a rabid capitalist in both mind and spirit. Not a very good one, granted, but a snarling anti-communist to the most vibrant of my fibers, so I will never grant capital this level of honor among men or gods. I hate money. I spend it like a Weimar republican just to get rid of it. And besides, a king's ransom had always ruled kingdoms—long before JC came onto the scene for a short while. Nothing really to inspect here but dead birds. And Luciferian bank notes.



"Ignorance and virtue suck on the same straw. Souls grow on bones, but die beneath bankers' hours.""