Posts Tagged ‘witchcraft’

Myself Naked Upon Thy Mercy


11 Mar

thy-mercy

Myself Naked Upon Thy Mercy

samplex

On Sat, 11 Mar 2000 08:09:03 -0500

The house is officially on the market. Wow! Talk about "moving and shaking!" Well, I sense the sunset of an era! I guess the process is well under way towards the next age of pages. I hope to take a drive to look at the location of a handful of places our agent earmarked for us here in DC. A girl at Sue's office is a Virginia realtor. Once she returns from vacation she'll show us a few places in N. Arlington. Yep, Sue's down and out for the weekend. She's got some medication an office mate gave her, and she's got an appointment on Thursday. She wants to go the the ER, but I told her that the local ER's don't measure up to the TV version, and I think basically rest is what she needs. She may opt for chiropractic care if she can find one in her HMO available today, but I'm doubtful on that note as well. But it's her call. By the way, that last note you sent came twice, with different time stamps. Very odd indeed.

Kube—looks like I found some info that suggests that indeed this WebStar 3.02 server should be able to dish up real audio tracks. The hex gibberish you mention, hmmm, are you using Stuffit Expander v5.1.1? I forget the exact context and language but I recall there was something nearly mandatory about upgrading to the latest version of Alladin's decoding and extraction software awhile back. System 8 and above, perhaps was the nuance, but I really don't recall. Now, like I said before, I haven't dealt with the creation of RA files, so I don't know that much, hell, I know nothing about how you created or had them created, but I do know that in my experience in downloading binaries off the newsgroups, quite a few sound and video files do not play, and aren't even recognized by the purported media players as proprietary files.

I do have a copy of Media Cleaner Pro 3.0 I have been meaning to explore, which should educate me on these terms, but obviously I haven't done so yet. As fer your Java course, how did it go? Are you finished? Did that Roaster stuff help you out any? That's pretty damned exciting, pulling on your techie-bound galoshes, and wading through the jello of object programming. Also on my list of things to do...

To advocate destruction of any and all order, to reject sensibilty at any level save that of discourse (why here?), what sort of dreamlife do you expect you should have? Your leftover choices in full rejection of humanity hardly offer up a frolic in the fields of favorable phalanges, now do they? By discouraging all the plain pleasing temptations of life, you are left with a shrieking demonology and the bitterly arcane, and barely enough juices to get by.
To sum up those thoughts on witchcraft you made, it was that very same Jew we've quoted on many an occasion who said, "As you think in your heart, so it shall be..." which sounds pretty nifty, some very top drawer witchcraft, but we know it ain't necessarily true, for if it were true, we'd all be muck a muck geniuses, rich as oil sheiks, and masters of our own domain. And I have to think it ain't all neurotic self-doubt that's keeping us billions of nimrods light years away from these wish fulfillment psychic circuitries which entice us into thinking we're the one that can do what's never been done, or if so, just a little bit better, or a little bit easier, or sexier, or quicker, or stronger, or stranger, et cetera, ad nauseam.

Comedy venues. Yes, berry berry big in America, particularly in the Eighties. I've actually never been to one because I too have the same gnawing trepidations about public laughter that you have, although I do enjoy an occasional clever stand-up on the tellie in the privacy of my bricks and mortar (funny guy that Eddie Izzard), although for years in my twenties I shunned all such folly, only to recant with the remark in my early forties that comedians have become our modern prophets, the only folk who can shoot straight and get away with crossing boundaries spouting their trade of self-evident truisms that the politically correct charges in our civic life have blurred on the one hand and denied on the other.

I nearly creamed spinach when I read your jeremiad: Jehovah Jehovah, why hast thou forsaken thy son?! Have I not remained true to thy instruction? Have I not been obedient to thy word? I have discovered the secret of Satan's power and yet shunned it as soiled and unclean; I have loyally builded NOTHING of PERMANANCE, I have shed my vital bodily fluids generously upon the parched stony ground... I have refused followers and leaders alike and wandered alone in the wilderness. I alone am pure yet shunned in the marketplaces. I have thrown myself naked upon thy mercy and thou hast told me to fuck off and die...

Otherwise the goblins of goo will sneak in for the grope, and for the most part, this sector of creation hardly cares a wit for the subtleties of spin, based on an in-your-face and mush-your-mind gestalt, as Marc Bolan of the glitter rock band T.Rex once lyrically put it,”Bob Dylan knows, and I bet Alan Freed did, there are things in night that are better not to behold.”
A veritable masterpiece of crucial understanding in depicting what the greater chunk of Western pew squatters have forgotten about that word they bandy about ever freely without pain or clue to what it means according to the very sixty-six books they so rabidly flock to worship and idolize, and that word is spirituality. Elijah's lament.

Again, concerning that mock and mocking "Deliverance" dream sequence, I am reminded of what Galloping Bill Burroughs had to say upon exiting an American Indian type sweat lodge twelve hours after entering it. Depleted of liquids and hardly cognizant of his traumatized senses, he kept muttering something about the Ugly American as the force of much evil, easily recognizable to the rest of the world by the crackling coterie of demons fluttering about the individual and collective auras of these Ugly Americans. I immediately sensed that the bardic Burroughs, unbeknownst to himself, had simply seen a vision of self. HE, WILLIAM SEWARD BURROUGHS III, was the Ugly American of his own psychotic nightmares. And so, it may quite well be that your own dreamlife is merely the product of your own conscious yearning indicated in the very paragraphs accompanying your description of these recurring dreams. To advocate destruction of any and all order, to reject sensibilty at any level save that of discourse (why here?), what sort of dreamlife do you expect you should have? Your leftover choices in full rejection of humanity hardly offer up a frolic in the fields of favorable phalanges, now do they? By discouraging all the plain pleasing temptations of life, you are left with a shrieking demonology and the bitterly arcane, and barely enough juices to get by.

Of course, unfortunately this is also a cartload of horse manure, as you so aptly put it. But as long as we are human flesh we must find some common ground with the earth and its inhabitants. Otherwise the goblins of goo will sneak in for the grope, and for the most part, this sector of creation hardly cares a wit for the subtleties of spin, based on an in-your-face and mush-your-mind gestalt, as Marc Bolan of the glitter rock band T.Rex once lyrically put it,"Bob Dylan knows, and I bet Alan Freed did, there are things in night that are better not to behold."

In contrapuntal resolve, J. Wolfgang Goethe on his deathbed: More light, more light...

Frankly, since energy forces tracked in the brain are substantive, information collected, burned and sorted in the nerve cells, thought is materialistic, its audible and other symbolic forms such as written language, also substantive material, but the stretch that telepathy involves has never been adequately reproduced outside of myth and the subsequential.
Just as I was finishing this off, I received a chain letter from my always astonishingly cheerful Auntie Maude who's just a few years older than I am, the first time she has ever done such a thing, and the first note she has sent to me in quite a few months after a year of active chitchat abruptly stopped. Coincidence or not? The spells we weave, the spells some cast. Chain letters, ouch! Of course, I almost never (maybe three times in my life) participate in these ridiculous spells, but this time I'll just have to squeeze the sponge, and put you on the list.

However, if positive thinking is such a powerful force, then why did it take 400 years for the Negro slaves to gain their freedom in this treacherous land of freedom of mine? And why do rich tycoons die and beautiful starlets grow old and ugly despite millions of fans and dollars in their favor? Sure the kid responded, but what if a nurse had sung instead, or someone had piped in a copy of Karen Carpenter's greatest hits? Funny thing is, earlier today I heard an NPR broadcast by some doctor who wrote a book which touched upon the topic of the mystical roots of today's modern healing professions. Noting that there are situations that medical science can't qualify or quantify in the healing fields, many people seek supernatural explanations, but he was reminded of a couple of quotes, and I'll have to paraphrase. One was from Samuel Johnson who said I think, "Physicians seem to confuse the consequential with the subsequential."

The other was that ninety percent of illness are gone by the next day, so in effect, anything doctors do, encourages them to think their treatment was the cure.

This author suggested however that within 20 years science should begin to sport answers to these mysterious powers of positive thinking the brain exerts upon the body in times of dire necessity or yearning, for instance, why statistically few terminally ill people die during special holidays or events they've earmarked for personal reasons, but will buy the farm shortly after these mustered occasions. And throw in those sudden cures most doctors have witnessed but none can explain.

Soft thinkers of various stripes attribute all this "miraculous" activity to love, positronic thinking, outside intervention, auxiliary hocus pocus, yawn and fawn, and some of this is very well likely, but a chain letter fer godsakes???? I mean, St. Paul's epistles were chainletters in every sense, and look at where they have led us...

You must expand your thoughts on the witchcraft you perceive as more powerful than prayer and other traditional sources of collective bargaining on the earthly-otherwordly intercessional plane. Or is witchcraft just another word for what other cultures dub with other cheeky labels? But how does this truck with your stand as a materialist? Frankly, since energy forces tracked in the brain are substantive, information collected, burned and sorted in the nerve cells, thought is materialistic, its audible and other symbolic forms such as written language, also substantive material, but the stretch that telepathy involves has never been adequately reproduced outside of myth and the subsequential.

Anywaze Kubhlai, I trust that friendly reciprocity has been achieved with this note, and look forward to your next outburst.

GT

Day In Life Of United States Army Recruiter From Corpus Christi


22 Apr

apply

Need Not Apply

samplex

George—you mentioned something over the telephone the other day. You asked me if I have given up drugs. I said yes save my ration of beer, but I was intrigued by your question because I have never belonged to the drug scene in any big way. Especially back when you knew me. I suppose I had smoked some marijuana a dozen or so times by the age 25, but no stretchmarks of the imagination could correctly identify me as a pothead or whatever. I'm much too neurotic, weighted with a healthy fear of the judiciary, of incarceration, of wasted funds coughed up on fines and payoffs to attorneys to chance crossing that line of something illegal on anything close to a regular basis.

Except to someone with a theologically-induced fear of witchcraft like yourself, someone who seems to associate marijuana with demon spirits, of course one illegal or even legal hit is one too many, and I understand but can hardly respect your position. Anti-drug? Yes. Witchcraft, hardly. Peyote and other strange concoctions that are used in primitive rituals, and I've never been near, might crash that category but I simply think your imagination is feeding you the wrong numbers. All manipulation of human change by chemistry should be reconsidered in terms of risk to self, not shifting false alarms put out there in the ether to scare and control. Chemicals are chemicals. The human body is full of them. Yet considering the brevity of our conversation, I was particularly struck by your query as it was the only thing you asked of me.

I remember this exchange very clearly, as it was typical of my inability to relate to you what I assumed you already knew, thinking we were in agreement, and I was merely clarifying, only to have you disagree with me. Another topic we discussed that same day was that of the voice of God as it exists in his chosen vessel.
Being a drinker yourself, you were still reluctant to classify beer a drug, forgiving me that taste, but I do believe most clinical specialists giving speeches on the circuit today would disagree with you. I know my mother would. Apparently the drug issue was something that had been a stumbling block in your initial and ensuing characterization of me, the long hair, lack of occupational focus, inability to merge study of God with normal contemporary responsibility, et al. I really don’t know how to take away those preconceptions from you. Not my task I suppose.

I do recall a minor discussion we had on the subject in a construction trailer on one of Tommy White's jobs. You were quoting or pointing out scripture associating drugs with witchcraft and demonology and I recall suggesting that from all that I was aware of drugs, it seemed that folks likened it to a closeness with God, and I subsumed in fairness to my inexperience with either God or drugs that the drug experience was indeed a counterfeit likeness of the indwelling of the spirit. You quickly disagreed. I think you may have thought I was rationalizing drug use rather than intellectualizing what we had actually been discussing, that is, the nature of the spirit of God in close contact with his chosen vessel. I remember this exchange very clearly, as it was typical of my inability to relate to you what I assumed you already knew, thinking we were in agreement, and I was merely clarifying, only to have you disagree with me. Another topic we discussed that same day was that of the voice of God as it exists in his chosen vessel. I stated that I tended to change my active voice or approach to different people, according to natural impulses, rather than stick to any formula of self-aware oratory. You said that was okay as long as it did not shrink down into hypocrisy. Oh the joy I felt hearing those words! We had agreed on something.

For all the children's sake, we can admit that some of this sounds crudely like fundamental psychology, but remember I was discernibly unread at the time, and was coming to these conclusions on my own at the time, and besides we were talking of Christ's own approaches to life's succés d'estime, not secular, as I was then and am now still foraging for clues conferring the difference. Even now I would love to expand these themes to include current thoughts but will not for the sake of your health. If we are able to strike a chord in each other over the course of a few exchanges, then perhaps we may follow up on some of these things, but for now I am content to reminisce and allow you to detach from my youthful fancies.

Meanwhile I was telling you about the name change operation. After twenty months in Corpus I was ready to return to Georgia. My brother Clyde and I had both landed knee deep in barren financial soil; his roofing company was wobbling on its last legs. Desperate for a positive change of any sort we visited the army recruiter’s office. That desk sergeant confessed he had never seen the likes of us.

The Army thought they had us at boot camp. My brother missed qualifying by a mere five percentile points due to his dropout status, but the sergeant was still dogged by the fact that sitting on his desk that very morning were scores in the low twenties from strapping junior college and high school grads.
Sitting for the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery, I cut my usual 95 percentile; my brother, the eighth grade dropout roofing contractor scored a 45 percentile. The soldier was giddy with enigmatic enthusiasm (did he get paid on scale based on the scores of his recruits?). Never in fourteen years as a recruiter there in the Corpus Christi office had anyone cut as high as my overall 95, although I had expected nothing less, and hoped for better. I was quite surprized and even more amused at his obstreperous reactions. I'd always found it easy to score at that level of competence in nearly every formal aptitude test I had taken taken (not so the SAT's but mother says I was hungover) since being introduced to them in junior high. Somewhat higher in the physical and social sciences, and somewhat lower in verbal considerations, but overall I was a solid five percenter across the country among my age group.

Sometimes past achievement turned to near nothing comes back to taunt me, now that I have merged a tawdry apathetic tendency to tarry forever with a dedicated urge to transcend even those past primitive glories and to accept nothing less than the voice of God's Own Authority as my role among mortals. This stubborn pride haunts me like the flickering images of a fantastic dream, of beauty and swiftness, of potential and expansiveness, of the great healing writer I was to become, only to have become a farce and a wasteling.

The Army thought they had us at boot camp. My brother missed qualifying by a mere five percentile points due to his dropout status, but the sergeant was still dogged by the fact that sitting on his desk that very morning were scores in the low twenties from strapping junior college and high school grads. And sitting right there flesh to flesh in his office was a 25 year old junior highschool dropout who sailed right past that sorry bunch into respectability, hey, all he needed was a GED and he’d qualify to join the United States Army ranks in full favor and garland.

I however was more feisty and cunning. The army wasn't testing me so much as I was testing the army. After hearing all about what the military had to offer me and my close friend Jesus Christ, I was only interested in the intelligence corps for which my raw 95 score patently qualified me, contingent of course upon my acing one more test to be given qualified intelligence applicants in San Antonio a few weeks later. Working in army intelligence suited my vanity. A bus would take me to San Antonio for the test, all expenses paid, but first I had to complete my application form. This was February, 1982. Facing a battery of questions to be answered honestly and openly, I suddenly became a thorn in the Army’s side. I stumbled over a question. Or rather, the army had refused my answer.

"Have you ever engaged in a homosexual act?"

"Have you ever had sexual relations with someone of the same gender?"

Something like that.

Now George, you may or may not remember me telling you that three of my first five sexual experiences were homosexual in nature, beginning with my abuse at the age fourteen by a man in his forties. As such, I was not at liberty to answer the recruiter’s question according to his and the military code’s specific needs. Neither did I accuse anyone with molestation, not that I was happy to be used this way my men.

"But you only experimented once, can we say?" the recruiter pressed.

"No, I can not respond in that way, either, unless I’m to suggest that only the first time could by nature be experimental, and the other times therefore were ventures of cooperation to be forgotten for the purposes of this enlistment," I replied.

"Well, what do you say?"

"Just what I have said."

"Your application will be rejected. Can’t you lie, and say you just did it once?"

"No I can’t answer that way. Didn’t you just begin these questions with a statement requiring absolute truth? Can you listen to my answer and then write whatever answer you think will work?"

"No, I can’t do that."

Same routine with marijuana. My recruiter, after the first series of questions would say, "Okay, that's it. We're done. I'll get back to you." But I could hear that my brother with his recruiter, a couple of cubicles down, was slightly ahead of me in the process. They were onto the next set of questions. So I would ask, what about x-y-z, prompting my recruiter to say simply, "Oh yeah." He then reached down into his drawer,and pulled out another folder. Down another set of pages we would go. Clyde and his recruiter were zipping along, leading the way, and my recruiter seemed unprepared to stop me from listening into their Q&A. Same routine. "Okay, that's it. We're done. I'll get back to you." This happened about four times. Apparently, worldliness works in mysterious ways. Conspiring with a recruiter in a series of single word responses in the form of an untruth—namely, the word "no" is apparently the shortest, most direct line into the military, or so one might be led to presume. Finally, we were both finished. I was set to catch a bus to San Antonio to take another test to qualify for the Intelligence Corps after ruling out every other Army training post the recruiter had offered.

But I would not risk the lie and was steadfast in my refusal to rework my statement, and subsequently the army "lost" my high school diploma, my first marriage certificate, and whatever other vital papers I entrusted to them while I waited for bussing assignment to San Antonio to take that intelligence test.
So there it was. A day in the life of a United States Army recruiter from Corpus Christi, TX. The US Army and its dashing agents didn’t mind if I lied, lied, and lied again, because down the pike if anything contrary to regulations happened to surface, the enlistee could be charged with false statements to cover their own ass in addition to whatever else the army wanted to sling at you. But recruiters themselves would not circumvent official process and thus open themselves to liability for any misrepresentation of facts. Naîve, even that assessment. Of course any government is quite willing to lie, cheat, and steal if need be, assassinate even, for any project or personnel deemed important enough for the execution of certain drastic "real or imagined" national security measures. But I would not risk the lie and was steadfast in my refusal to rework my statement, and subsequently the army “lost” my high school diploma, my first marriage certificate, and whatever other vital papers I entrusted to them while I waited for bussing assignment to San Antonio to take that intelligence test. I tried to recovered my documents but only met with stonewalling and dispersions about the sincerity of my desire to be considered for enlistment in the United States Army, for God's sake, the Intelligence Corps.

In June, my brother, his family, and I packed off to Atlanta, and the army never signed either of us.

Another snippet of information you shared with me remains vivid. You said, and I forget the context of our chat, that the homosexual underworld has its own esoteric language, and operates from within that language. I believe you mentioned this at our last meeting, when I visited for a week up from Corpus. I seem to remember talking about Tolstoy and Bob Dylan also as we strolled along the jobsite, a future housing complex vacant of structural foundations, grading nearly finished and all underground utilities and paving intact. It was so easy, too easy, for you to point out subtle flaws in their christianity, hurrumph their personal foibles, and of the folly of seeking God outside of the examples catalogued in the bible, but for someone desperately seeking a path in contemporary society, to challenge heartlessly without germane critical analysis every icon brought to breath only served to threaten in my young mind the continuity expressed in the phrase, "Haven’t you heard it said, ‘I am the God of the living.'"

GT

S A M P L E X

"Ignorance and virtue suck on the same straw. Souls grow on bones, but die beneath bankers' hours.""


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